Maybe it’s because it’s a sunny 50 degree day in January that has me feeling like Spring has come to clear out the winter funk. Or maybe it’s because I accidentally opened my blog on my phone this morning and started reading the last few posts that made me realize I really do enjoy sitting down and clearing my head by tapping away at my keyboard. Whatever the reason, I felt really moved to write…something…anything. And then mix in a couple photos I’ve snapped because visuals are fun.
Reading back on previous posts always makes me cringe a little in the same way as hearing your own voice. It’s irritating and kind of embarrassing as you wonder if that’s really how you sound. I never set out for this website to be a work of art or so refined that everything had to be perfect, but looking back on some things, I just shake my head at my choice of wording. It’s been brought to my attention that I’m a bit of a perfectionist, which surprised me because I always thought of perfectionists as someone who already excelled at something and still obsessively worked to improve upon because they knew they could do better. I guess I carry some of those traits in the sense that I will never be satisfied with anything I create and I will always see what I could of done better, but in my case it’s true. There ARE always things I could have done better. I let that hold me back a bit, so knowing this about myself, I created this space not trying to be anything or striving for some high level of standard that I will never achieve and therefore never post a thing. I just wanted somewhere for thoughts to go and a place to gather any of my creative pursuits for nobody other than myself.
When I first got this up and running, creating content became more of a passion, priority, and to what my spare time was dedicated. But as with most things I do, I hit a wall. Growing up I was told I was a quitter. As an adult I felt like maybe they were right because I never stick with anything. But I continued to try new things and would throw myself into each one just the same, but always wondering how long it would be until I woke up and just didn’t want to do it anymore. On the plus side, I’ve tried and accomplished a lot of things in my life. I get a spark of interest, I go in hard, and I leave just as abruptly. Running, Olympic style weight lifting, yoga, writing, kung fu, photography, creative cooking, I could go on and on with things I took up and thought “this is it, this is my thing and I will be known as the person that always does this thing.” Until that day comes and I start calling it in. It tends to come after I have plateaued in my growth or felt like I reached some arbitrary yet satisfactory goal, like when I was running a 10 mile race in Florida with every intention on it being just another stepping stone in my new running way of life, until mile 9 came and I thought “you know, I’m proud I made it this far, this is good.” I wasn’t struggling to finish the race, I mean it wasn’t a breeze, but I was completely satisfied with that achievement. So I just stopped running, Forrest Gump style, after crossing the finish line, at least. I only managed to force myself to run a handful of times after that and officially hung up my running shoes. It wasn’t until I came across this TED talk by Emilie Wapnick that I stopped feeling like a quitter and saw the positives of such an attention span. If you watch the talk, you should also check out their short follow up here. That was it, that was my thing. Many things are my thing. And I am totally okay with that.
Although I’ve had more dream jobs than I could count and have started down the path of starting my own business more times than the average bear, there are a handful of things I always circle back around to. That’s how I’ve learned where my true interests lie. Writing, something related to capturing things on camera, and yoga. Yoga is my closest constant physical form of exercise and meditation. Something related to animals is usually in there somewhere too.
So with that, in this moment, I’m excited to be back writing here. And with that, I also know the day where I stop again isn’t far behind. But I won’t worry, it is only temporary.